夏天的一个闷热的下午，北京中山公园的草地上，一位父亲举着一块自己做的广告牌，上面写着：“男，单身②，35岁，英俊，身高1.76米，合资企业工程师，大学本科。”

几百个父母亲在每个周四下午着急地来到这个公园，他们是替忙碌又挑剔的单身儿女当媒人、找对象③来了。按照中国传统标准，他们的孩子年纪很大了还没结婚。

林女士来过两次以后，给她快要30岁的女儿安排了一次约会。她女儿在她家附近的麦当劳和男孩儿见了一面，发现那男孩儿太不会说话了，也就没有第二次见面了。

除了中山公园，还有玉渊潭公园和紫竹院，为什么这些地方变成了父母们聚集的地方？谁都说不清。

中国婚姻与家庭协会会长李明舜认为，产生这种现象一是因为年轻人工作压力太大，空闲时间越来越少，二是因为越来越多的人把“立业”放在了“成家”之前。

50多岁的佟女士抱怨说，她的儿子虽然收入很多，可是一点儿也不会享受。她儿子在一家外企工作，每天都要加班，有时周末还得工作。

佟女士说：“我们工作的时候，从来不把工作带回家。可现在在外企，好像加班是很正常的。”

在工作压力下，很多白领④发现，要找一个合适的对象成了一件很让人头疼的事情。北京一家外国公司的秘书小陈说：“寂寞的时候很想嫁人，特别是生病的时候，可是一想到家庭生活开销大、生小孩等等，就又不想结婚了。现在竞争这么激烈，结婚以后丢了工作可受不了。”

父母忙着给孩子找对象，儿女们却并不感激他们。一个在办公室工作的26岁女孩子说：“这太可笑了，父母就不该管孩子的恋爱，因为这和父母完全没关系！”

传统的父母把帮孩子建立家庭当成自己生活的目标之一。结婚生子是孩子必须完成的家庭责任。可是，随着中国经济的发展、生活的变化，人们的婚姻观念也发生了变化。年轻一代认为婚姻只是生活的一部分而不是全部。所以，有人选择不结婚，有人选择结婚不生孩子。这在父母们看来，都太不正常了。

有讽刺意味的是，女性的独立成了她们很难寻找爱情的原因。很多男人都不想找一个工资比自己多、学历比自己高的女人。29岁的小陈订过一次婚。可她的未婚夫在她两年前拿到英国一所大学的社会学硕士学位后，就和她分手了。他说和一个聪明女人做朋友是可以的，做妻子就不行。“我就是受不了现在的那些女人，她们又要男人经济上有能力，又要体贴⑤，还要浪漫⑥，简直不可能。”

就在20年前，人们总能在自己居住的小区里找到对象，那时大家互相都很熟悉。一些人也会组织活动来帮大家找对象。现在，住在同一个小区的人们互相很少认识。

一位母亲说：“现在，只有父母才会帮孩子，也只有他们会关心孩子了”。她已经在两个月内来过四次中山公园了。她相信能在这儿给儿子找到女朋友。

中山公园里这样的聚会进行得很顺利。五个家长围着那位举着广告牌的老人问更详细的情况，很明显，他们都有一个挑剔而忙碌的单身女儿。

In a sultry summer afternoon in 2005, a father sat on the ground of Zhongshan Park near Tian’anmen Square, holding a framed personal ad which reads: “Single male, 35, handsome, 1.76m tall, bachelor’s degree, engineer in a joint venture.”

This reflects hundreds of anxious parents flooding to the park every Thursday afternoon to explore the dating scene for their busy, picky, single children who are already considered “old” for starting a family by traditional Chinese standards.

Madam Lin set up a blind date for her daughter pushing 30 after having visited the park twice. Lin’s daughter met the guy for half an hour in McDonald’s near her home, only to find the young man was too uncommunicative. The date ended right on the spot.

No one knows for sure how Zhongshan Park, together with another two parks, Yuyuantan in the west and Zizhuyuan in the north, became the city’s most frequented matchmaking venues for parents. Some see it as a matchmaker party for parents. 

Li Mingshun, executive director of the China Marriage and Family Society ascribed the phenomenon to children’s heavier working pressure and their having less free time these days than two decades ago. The fact that more and more young people put career ahead of starting a family might be another reason, he noted.

A woman identifying herself as Tong complains that her son could hardly enjoy himself, despite the handsome income he makes every year. An employee of a foreign company, her son has to work 2 or 3 extra hours almost every day, and sometimes he even has to work weekends too.

The 50-year-old Tong says, “In state-owned enterprises, we never had to take work home, but in foreign-funded enterprises, it seems to be normal that an employer makes full use of employees.” 

Under such heavy pressure, many white collar men and women feel its too much of a headache to find a spouse. 

Kate Chen, a secretary for a CEO of a foreign electricity company in Beijing says, “You want to get married sometimes because you feel lonely, especially when you fall ill. But you would give up the idea of marriage when you picture family life burdened with enormous bills.What if you get fired or something? Competition is so bloody and you just can’t afford to lose your job after getting married.”

（Only parents can really help and care about their children.

I had already visited Zhongshan Park four times in the last two months, hoping her “future-daughter-in-law can be found here” .）

While parents are busy finding eligible mates for their children, few young people appreciate it. An office girl, 26, thinks: “It’s ridiculous! Parents shouldn’t ever butt in on their children’s marriage; it’s really none of their business.”

Traditionally, for parents, helping children start a family is an ultimate goal of their life and getting married and having a child is a family duty children must fulfill.

Yet, the changing life fueled by the country’s economic development has changed people’s views about marriage. Younger generation takes marriage as only a part rather than the whole of life. Consequently, some choose not to get married, or get married but don’t plan to have a child; both of these are regarded as crazy by the older generation. 

“However,” Yuan Yue says: “Young people are still expected to get married and have children. Otherwise, parents feel guilty and ashamed. That social pressure is pretty high.”

Ironically, women’s independence is becoming an obstacle to their finding “the other half” because many men don’t want to marry a woman who have more money or a higher education than they do. 29-year-old Kate Chen was engaged once but her fiancé dumped her two years ago when she got her master’s degree in sociology from a university in Britain.

Chen’s ex-fiancé admitted it’s Ok for him to have a smart woman as a friend, but not as a wife. “I just cannot stand today’s women who need men to be financially capable, emotionally attentive, and spiritually romantic. That's ‘mission impossible’,” he says, adding, “I really envy my parents, whose life was much simpler with no comparisons of wealth.” 

Just two decades ago, people could find a spouse within a familiar community, where everybody knew each other, or through a “matchmaker’s social” organized by the Labor Union or Woman’s Union. Today, people hardly know each other even if they are neighbors.

Since the familiar community has disappeared, “only parents can really help and care about their children”, says a frustrated mother, who has already visited Zhongshan Park four times in the last two months, hoping her “future-daughter-in-law can be found here”. 

On that sultry summer day in 2005, the matchmaker’s party in the park seemed to go very well. Five parents surrounded the father holding the framed personal ad and asked for more details about his son. Apparently, each of them had a picky and busy daughter who was to be off hands.