Miss Su said with a smile, "You'd better hurry. Aren't you afraid some one will get impatient?"Fang Hung-chien blushed and gave a silly smile, then walked away from Miss Su. She knew perfectly well she couldn't keep him back, but when he left, she felt a sense of loss. Not a word of the book sank in. She could hear Miss Pao's sweet voice and laughter and couldn't resist looking at her again. Fang was smoking a cigarette. As Miss Pao held out her hand toward him, he pulled out his cigarette case and offered her one.Miss Pao held it in her mouth, and as he made a gesture with his fingers on the lighter to light it for her, she suddenly tilted her mouth upward, and touching her cigarette with the one he was smoking, breathed in. With the cigarette lit, Miss Pao triumphantly blew out a puff of smoke. Miss Su was so furious that chills ran through her body. Those two have no sense of shame whatsoever, she thought. right in full view of everyone using cigarettes to kiss.
Unable to bear the sight any longer, she stood up and said she was going below. Actually she knew there was no place to go below the deck. People were playing cards in the dining room, and the sleeping cabins were too stuffy. Mrs. Sun was also thinking of going down to her husband to see how much money he had lost that day, but she was afraid if he had lost badly he would take it out on her as soon as she asked him, and there would be a long quarrel when he returned to the cabin.
Thus, she didn't dare get up rashly and only asked her son if he wanted to go down and pee.Miss Su's condemnation of Fang Hung-chien for being shameless was ac tually unjust. At that moment he was so embarrassed that it seemed to him that everybody on deck was watching him. Inwardly he blamed Miss Pao for being too overt in her behavior and wished he could have said something to her about it. Although he was now twenty-seven and had been engaged be fore, he had had no training in love. His father had passed the second-degree examination under Manchu rule and was a prominent squire in his native dis trict south of the Yangtze. Nine out of ten of the emigrants from this district living in big cities were now either blacksmiths, bean-curd makers, or sedan- chair carriers. The most famous indigenous crafts were clay dolls; and for young men entering college, civil engineering was the most popular discipline. The intractability of iron, the insipidity of bean curd, the narrowness of sedan chairs, and in addition, the smell of earth could be called the local traits; even those who became rich or high officials lacked polish.
In the district a man named Chou had become wealthy from a blacksmith shop he opened in Shanghai. Together with some fellow villagers in the same business, he organized a small bank called the Golden Touch Bank, serving as manager himself. One year, remembering the saying about returning home clothed in glory, he chose the Ch'ing Ming Festival9 to return to his district to offer obeisance at the family temple, attend to the ancestral graves, and make acquaintances with local notables. Since Fang Hung-chien's father was one of the respected men in the community, in due time Chou paid him a visit. Thus they became friends and went on to become in-laws.
While Fang Hung-chien was still in high school, in compliance with his parents' decision, he became engaged. He had never met his fiancee; merely viewing a bust photograph of her had left him feeling indifferent.
Two years later he went to Peking to enter a university and had his first taste of coeducation. Seeing couple after couple in love, he grew red-eyed with envy. When he thought how his fiancee had quit school after one year of high school to learn housekeeping at home in order to become a capable daughter-in-law, he felt an uncontrollable aversion toward her. Thus, bewailing his fate and feeling resentful toward his father, he went about in a half stupor for several days. Then suddenly he woke up, and mustering his courage, he wrote a letter home asking for release from the engagement.
Since he had received his father's guidance in literary composition and placed second in the high school general examination, his letter was couched in an elegant style without incorrectly using any of the various particles of literary Chinese. The letter went something like this: "I have of late been very restless and fitful, experiencing little joy and much grief. A feeling of 'autumnal melancholy has suddenly possessed me, and every time I look into the mirror at my own reflection, so gaunt and dispirited, I feel it is not the face of one destined for longevity.
I'm afraid my body can't hold up much longer, and I may be the cause of a lifetime of regret for Miss Chou. I hope you, Father, will extend to me your understanding and sympathy and tactfully sever the ties that bind. Do not get angry and reject my plea and thus help bring me everlasting woe." Since he felt the wording of the letter was sad and entreating enough to move a heart of stone, he was quite unprepared for the express letter which came from his father. It gave him a severe scolding:I did not begrudge the expense of sending you hundreds of miles away to study. If you devoted yourself to your studies as you should, would you still have the leisure to look in a mirror? You are not a woman, so what need do you have of a mirror?
A real man who gazes at himself in the mirror will only be scorned by society. Never had I thought once you parted from me that you would pick up such base habits. Most deplorable and disgusting! Moreover, it is said that "When one's parents are still living, a son should not speak of getting old." You have no consideration for your parents, who hold you dearly in their hearts, but frighten them with the talk of death. This is certainly neglect of filial duties to the extreme! It can only be the result of your attending a coeducational school-seeing women around has put ideas in your head. The sight of girls has made you think of change. Though you make excuses about "autumnal melan choly," I know full well that what ails you are the "yearnings of spring time."Nothing can escape this old-timer's sharp eye. If you carry on with this foolishness, I will cut off your funds and order you to discontinue your studies and return home. Next year you will get married at the same time as your brother. Give careful thought to my words and take them to heart.
Fang Hung-chien was shaken to the core, never expecting his father to be quite so shrewd. He wasted no time in getting off a reply begging forgiveness and explained that the mirror was his roommate's and not something he had bought himself. Within the last few days, after taking some American cod liver oil pills and German vitamin tablets, his health and spirits had taken a turn for the better, and his face had filled out, he assured his father, except that the high cost of medicine had been more than he could afford. As for his marriage, he would like to ask that it be postponed until after his graduation. For one thing, it would interfere with his schooling; for another he was still unable to support a family and would not feel right about adding to his fa ther's responsibilities.
When his father received the letter, which proved that the father's au thority had reached across several hundred miles, his father was extremely gratified. In high spirits, his father sent him a sum of money so he could buy tonic medicine. From then on, he buried his
feelings and dared not indulge in vain hopes. He began reading Schopenhauer and would often say wisely to his classmates, "Where is romantic love in the world? It's entirely the reproductive urge." In no time at all he was a senior in college and was to marry the year
following his graduation.
One day an express letter came from his father. It read as follows: "I have just received a telegram from your father-in-law. I was greatly shocked to learn that Shu-ying was stricken with typhoid fever, and due to the negli gence of a Western-trained doctor, she passed away at four o'clock in the afternoon on the thirteenth of this month. I am deeply sorry. Marriage was so close at hand; all good things have unexpected setbacks. It is all due to your lack of good fortune."
The postscript read: "This may be a blessing in disguise. If you had married three years earlier, this would have cost us a large sum of money.
But with a family of such virtue as ours, if the marriage had taken place earlier, perhaps Shuying would have been spared this calamity and lived a long life. One's marriage is predestined, and you have no cause to be overly grieved. You should, however, send a letter of condolence to your father-in- law." Fang Hung-czhien read this with the joy of a pardoned criminal. But for the girl whose life had been cut short he felt a tinge of pity. While exulting in his own freedom, he wanted to help lessen others' grief. He therefore wrote a long letter of commiseration to his would-be father-in-law.
When Mr. Chou received the letter, he felt that the young man knew etiquette and so he instructed the bank's chief-secretary Mr. Wang to send a reply. When Chief-secretary Wang read Fang Hung-chien's letter, he had high praise for his boss's would-be son-in-law,
remarking that the young man's calligraphy and literary style were both excellent, and that the expres sion of his feelings for the deceased was deepand genuine, indicative of a very kind heart and talent that would take him far. Delighted with all this, Chou instructed Wang to reply in the following manner: "Although my daughter was never wed, our in-law relationship will remain unchanged. I had but one daughter and had originally planned to give her a grand wedding. Now I am going to give the entire amount, which I had set aside for the wedding and the dowry, along with the earnings from investments made with your family's betrothal present-altogether a sum of over twenty thousand dollars or one thousand three hundred British pounds-to finance your education abroad after your graduation from college next year.
Even in his dreams Fang Hung-chien had never conceived of such a stroke of good fortune and felt profound gratitude toward his deceased fiance. He was a worthless sort, who could never learn civil engineering, and while at the university he had switched his major from sociology to philosophy before finally settling down as a Chinese literature major.
It may sound a bit absurd for someone majoring in Chinese to go abroad for advanced study. In fact,however, it is only for those studying Chinese literature that it is absolutely necessary to study abroad, since all other sub jects such as mathematics, physics, philosophy, psychology, economics, and law, which have been imported from abroad, have already been Westernized. Chinese literature, the only native product, is still in need of a foreign trade mark before it can hold its own, just as Chinese officials and merchants have to convert the money they have fleeced at home into foreign exchange to maintain the original value of the national currency.
During his stay in Europe, Fang Hung-chien did not spend his time tran scribing the Tun-huang manuscripts or visiting the Yung-lo collections'4 or looking for relevant documents on the T'ai-p'ing Heavenly Kingdom. With in four years he had gone the rounds ofthree universities: London, Paris, and Berlin. He took a few courses here and there, and though his interests were fairly broad, he gained nothing at all in the way of knowledge, mostly dissipating his life away in idleness. In the spring of the fourth year, with only three hundred pounds left in the bank, he decided to return home in the summer.
His father had written asking him if he had received his Ph.D. and when he would be coming home. He replied with a long letter denouncing the Ph.D. title as having absolutely no practical value. His father did not see it that way at all, but now that his son had
grown up, he hesitated to threaten him again with paternal authority, and merely said that he knew perfectly well titles were useless and that he would never force his son to get one, but his son had a duty toward Mr. Chou, who had invested a large sum of money on his edu- cation. A few days later, Fang Hung-chien also received a letter from his father-in-law, which said in effect: "A worthy son-in-law like you with talent and learning and a reputation extending far and wide does not need to flaunt a Ph.D. But your father passed the Manchu second-degree examination and therefore it seems only fitting that you become the foreign equivalent of the third-degree holder, following in your father's footsteps and even surpassing him. Then I too would share in your glory."
Finding himself pressured on both sides, Fang Hung-chien finally realized the importance of a foreign diploma. This diploma, it seemed, would function the same as Adam and Eve's figleaf. It could hide a person's shame and wrap up his disgrace. This tiny square of paper could cover his shallowness, ignor ance, and stupidity. Without it, it was as if he were spiritually stark naked and had nothing to bundle up in. But as for getting a degree at that point, whether by studying toward it himself or hiring a ghost writer to write a dissertation, there was neither time nor money. A Ph.D. from the nearby University of Hamburg was considered the easiest to muddle through, but even it required six months. He could just go ahead and deceive his family by saying he'd re ceived a Ph.D., but then he was afraid that he couldn't fool his father and father-in-law. As one who had passed the old second-degree examination, his father would want to see the official "announcement."
His father-in-law, a businessman, would want to see the "title deed." Unable to think of a solution, he was prepared to return home ,brazen-faced and tell them that he had not obtained a degree.One day as he was going to the Chinese bibliography section of the Ber lin library to see a German friend, he noticed on the floor a large stack of periodicals published in Shanghai during the first years of the Republic of China, including The Eastern Miscellany,Short Story Monthly, The Grand China, and the Women's Magazine. Having stopped to leaf leisurely through one, he happened to see an advertisement with Chinese and English parallel texts placed by the "Correspondence Division of the Carleton Institute of Law and Commerce" in the city of New York. It stated that for those Chinese stu dents who had the desire to study abroad but no opportunity to do 50, the school had special correspondence courses, upon completion of which certifi of the B.A M A or ees would be granted.The cate equivalents ., . ., Ph.D. degrbrochures would be forwarded immediately upon request by writing to such and such a number and on such and such a street in New York City.
Fang's heart skipped a beat. As a good twenty years had elapsed since the date of the advertisement, he had no way of knowing whether the school still existed or not. At any rate sending off a letter of inquiry won't cost much, he thought.
The man who had placed the advertisement was actually a swindler. Since no Chinese was ever taken in, he had dropped it for another line of busi ness and died sometime ago. The apartment he had lived in was now rented to an Irishman, with all the Irishirresponsibility,
quick wit, and poverty. It is said that an Irishman's fortune consists of his two breasts and two but tocks, but this one, being a tall, thin Bernard Shaw-type of man, did not have much breast or buttocks. When he came upon Fang's letter in his mailbox, he thought the
mailman had made a mistake. But the address was clearly his; so full of curiosity, he opened the letter. Greatly puzzled, he mulled over it for a while, then leaped for joy.
He quickly borrowed a typewriter from a tabloid reporter next door and typed out the following reply:"Since you have been studying in a uni versity in Europe, your level of achievement must be quite high, making it unnecessary for you to go through the correspondence procedures. You need only send a 10,000-word dissertation and enclose five hundred U.S. dollars. After evaluating your qualifications, we will immediately forward to you a Ph.D. degree diploma.Letters can be addressed to myself without having to write the name of the school. Signed, Patrick Mahoney." Underneath his name he conferred upon himself four or five doctoral titles.When Fang saw the letter was written on ordinary stationery without the name of the school engraved on it, and as the contents clearly showed the school to be fraudulent, he put it aside and forgot about it.The Irishman meanwhile grew impatient and sent off another letter stating that if Fang found the price too high, the price could be negotiated. He himself had always loved China, and as an educator, he was particularly averse to profit-seeking. Fang mulled it over for a while, suspecting that the Irishman was undoubted ly up to tricks. If he bought a bogus diploma and went back to dupe other people with it, wouldn't he himself be a fraud? But, remember, Fang had once been a philosophy major, and to a philosophy major lying and cheating were not always immoral. In Plato's Ideal State soldiers were justified in fooling the enemy, doctors in fooling their patients, and officials in fooling the people. A sage like Confucius had pretended to be ill in order to trick Ju Pei into leaving,even Mencius had lied to King Hsuan of Ch'i and pretended that he was ill.'~ Since both his father and his father-in-law hoped he would be come a Ph.D., how could he, a son and son-in-law, dare disappoint them? Buying a degree to deceive them was like purchasing an official rank in Man chu times, or like the merchants of a British colony contributing a few ten thousand pound notes to the royal exchequer in exchange for a knighthood, he reasoned. Every dutiful son and worthy son-in-law should seek to please his elders by bringing glory to the family. In any case,
when later it came time for him to look for a job, he would never include this degree in his resum& He might as well try slashing the price, and if the Irishman refused, he could then forget the whole thing and avoid turning into a fraud himself. So he replied that he would pay one hundred U.S. dollars, making a thirty- dollar down payment, and when the diploma was delivered, he would send the rest, and that thirty or more other Chinese students were also interested in dealing with "your honorable school" in the same manner.
