Kim, 34, returned to the United States to give birth to her daughter, and did not lay-in, much to the concern of her Chinese mother-in-law. Kim felt that childbirth in America had become too expert-driven. "They have overcomplicated it," said Kim.”In the West, people turn to the medical profession for the care that comes from the family here…I washed my baby when she was two days old. She was dirty and so I washed her. I didn't think anything of it, but the nurses came rushing in screeching 'Oh my God! Did we teach you how to bathe her yet?' It was the same reaction when I started breast-feeding her before a lactation consultant had taught me to. To me, it was the most natural thing. Why would I need someone to train me how to bath or breast-feed my daughter?”
 Kim returned to China to be with her husband when her daughter, Lily, was two months old. Kim lived with her mother-in-law for six months, "but she drove me mad!‘’exclaimed Kim. "We had so many different ideas about how best to care for Lily…My mother-in-law was appalled that I didn't keep the baby in my bed. I had prepared a crib in a separate room, but she moved it into my bedroom and pushed it up against my bad so my baby could be close to me. I let the crib stay in the room, but pushed it away from my bed. Every day, I'd find the crib had been moved up against my bed. Everyday I'd move it away again.”
 Traditionally, in China, it was very important to bind the baby's legs straight after childbirth to prevent the child from becoming bow-legged. The practice remains in some parts of China. Kim's mother-in law was shocked when her two-month-old granddaughter Lily arrived from America. "Oh my god!’‘the woman exclaimed, "They didn't strap her legs!” Holly Chen, 40, from Beijing was also worried about her daughter, and wanted to bind her legs straight.”I was so concerned my daughter would be bow-legged. Many children have this and I think it's so ugly. But I didn't suggest it to my [American] husband. I knew he wouldn't even consider it.”
 The silk journal containing the advice from Chinese mothers remains Kim's most- treasured possession. "It'll become an heirloom. I have already passed the journal on to my sister-in-law, and one day I'll give it to my daughter. It will be treasured in our family forever,”said Kim Bai Li, who gave her the gift, had even painstakingly translated the pages of advice into English for the American-born Kim.She was merely following the traditions of her village, in Hebei Province. As she was the first non-relative woman Kim told about her pregnancy, she became the child's "fairy mother,“who in Bai Li's village is the person who becomes responsible for buying the child's first pair of shoes and giving the child a nickname. As fairy mother, she wanted to make a special gift for Kim to celebrate the birth of her first child-the journal. "The advice in the journal is fantastic. It ranges from the sentimental to the practical to the downright bizarre,”said Kim. Her favorite inscription is the advice about giving out red eggs. "The most unusual advice was 'Wean the baby by putting chili sauce on the nipple.' I didn't try that one," said Kim.
 The way to respond to the baby when it cried was another area of disagreement between Kim and her mother-in-law. "She thought it would hurt the baby to let it cry”Kim said.”She thought I was a terrible mother to let her cry, but I think itwas good for her to have a good cry sometimes‘’Chinese mothers generally feel crying is bad for a baby. Dr Zhou agrees.‘’If the baby cries too long, it can rupture its brain, or cause a hernia,”she said.  "My mother-in-law would do anything to prevent a tear from falling’‘said Kim.
 For Chinese, a baby's biggest celebration is not his/her birthday, but the 100-day anniversary of his/her birth. "We had a big party. Lily wore embroidered animal shoes, in accordance with the Chinese zodiac, and a red bib with an upside down fu character, which meant good luck. She wore a silver bracelet with bells to chase off bad spirits, and we ate noodles for long life”said Kim. Not all Chinese still mark the 100-day festival in the traditional way, but most will take their baby to a studio to have a special baby-photo album made.

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